so girl has shit lunch date with ex who she discovers has live-in girlfriend, girl goes to bar to drown sorrows since drinking at home and crying where roommate can hear is lame, proceeds to bar for impromptu speedating ritual that she is late for. has two "dates" with extremely illegitimate bachelors who are single FOR A REASON, the latter of which ends in tears on her part and him saying he needs a drink and hopes she won't still be waiting at the table for him when he returns...
in which case she says YEAH, DONT COUNT ON IT, storms off, and is ambushed by the unfortunate couple who had overheard about 5 minutes of her "terror date" with the Douche Bag from Hell and felt like they really needed to buy the poor girl a drink... thus I join them in their booth, the happy couple who had wandered into "speedating night", had another bourbon ginger and regaled them with my Shitty Wednesday story of having lunch with the ex, having to go to law class, fake having read case studies of whoever v. so and so, and then want to drown her sorrows in beer followed by Nerd #1 and Douche #2...
Turns out I have a friend in common with the girl, who is from Southern California as well, and we become fast friends, all the while her boyfriend reassures me that finding the right guy is just around the corner. Douche #1 actually has the balls to come over, find me, and lean precipitously over the railing of the booth to ASK ME FOR MY NUMBER and proceed to terrorize me, whilst my new friend is like, "dude wtf, ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" and eventually as I'm TEARING UP AND TELLING HIM TO GET FUCKING LOST IN THE FUCKING UNIVERSE, he leaves. His friends remain at the bar and looked at me later as I left. Because obviously they're not also creepy, having associated with the master of creepy himself.
I left to hit another bar for a pizza and some familiar company: the blond hipster girl who bartends nights. Met a birthday boy, his friends, and a smoker while trying to cut my losses. Decide it's not the bar for me. Moving on, calling a couple friends to tell about my situation, and then find the next bar...
proceed to make fast friends, acquire a backmassage from 2 men, make a musician friend named Jamie, a Mexican friend who plays piano, and then dove across the bar to have the chance at pouring my own Guinness, the Guinness the bartender drank, and then an awful concoction I created called "Shitty Wednesday": Fernet, port, lemon and lime juice, soda water, grapefruit juice, cherries. Pretty vile. I was "fired" from my post behind the bar. I did pour a decent Guinness, however. And I didn't have the key lime and Skyy vodka to make my lime signature drink, or the nutmeg ingredients to make a rum punch... but I did make an Irish bartender friend, musician friends, a massage friend who gave me his email (?!), and was serenaded at the piano...
The night significantly improved since bar (and drink) #1.
I'm going to go cry into my pillow and empty bed right now. 'xuse me, g'nite.
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