it's not just men who are unfaithful

I feel a little used. This time, it's because of a woman!

Let me explain. I know this girl from high school. We've been pretty good friends just recently; I try to see her when I visit LA, we hang out, have fun. So when I was given 2 days notice that she was randomly coming up to the bay I thought hey, awesome, we'll spend some time. I was a little weary of her bringing her underage Frenchie boyfriend with her--I was hoping she wouldn't be one of those girls that completely ditches her friends and their needs in favor of her new beau. I was HOPING. Unfortunately all the hoping in the world couldn't prevent the inevitable: me feeling sort of used, more like a free hotel than a friend--an actual person with feelings and a life? There was pretty much no regard for my feelings and my schedule. She's been late to everything since she arrived. And this includes showing up Thursday night after 2am when she KNEW I had work the next day and was expecting her at more like 11pm, midnight. My life, contrary to what she may believe, actually does not revolve around her and her boyfriend's visit. Although I would have bent over backward to make it so as I rarely even see her. Apparently my company is unnecessary. My couch, however, is being utilized. In ways I probably won't want to know about.

I'm a little upset. She's cheating on me in my own house. It's how I feel about 4-Orgasm Guy, it's how I felt about Andy. Used. Makes me a little fucking angry.

Lesson: I have very low tolerance for inconsiderate people, "friends" who ditch and/or use me, and being taken advantage of. I'm not having a lot of fun being me today.

i can't bear the distance

The thought of him makes me nauseated. I don't think that's a good thing: it's not like butterflies nauseated, it's like, sorry I think I have to go throw up now :( That can't be a good thing. I've been having a lot of psychosomatic things going on these days; this is one of the signs. The signs that say NO, he's bad news. No wonder I had a thing for him way back when.

At least maybe I'll finally get my wish: I'll be able to reject him. Talk about ghosts from the past. Anyway, if I'm honest with myself I'll say that it definitely doesn't feel great, but it's better than feeling awful later. I can't believe the compliment he gave me, too. Not like I didn't already know, but... how shallow! how superficial!... It had nothing to do with my looks or personality. Ahem.

I am a very awkward person!!
The rest of the week was spent trying to deal, and promising myself not to get that drunk ever again around someone I don't even like anymore who couldn't care less. Right. Note to self.