if we should be so lucky...

So my roommate was able to hook up/score with two different men at the two parties I strung her along to in the last half-year. It doesn't seem FAIR! But perhaps I just have higher standards....

Things have got to change! I am back at lonely square one here, although a friend of mine from college has decided to tell a mutual friend of ours that I'm a "sexy librarian," which is perhaps sort of flattering, if not totally unexpected. And there's the Italian guy that my other friend is convinced is hitting on me because he asked me to a dinner party and then took me to a whisky bar last Friday. I don't know, I'm lost in the whirlwind. Everything seems up in the air to me right now. Not only am I looking for a new roommate to replace the one who hosts Vagina Night with her new boytoys every night, but I'm starting to see old college friends in a whole new light...

It's been nice to catch up with old friends. There's the inevitable When Harry Met Sally complex with them, though. Since most of my friends are guys, the sex part always seems to get in the way. I am a staunch believer in the Billy Crystal view of friendships: that men and women can't be friends. They are really incapable of friendship! Unless perhaps they are happily married (to other people), but even then, how to explain men cheating on their wives with their exs, their "work friends," their sexy "gym buddies"?? Men and women just CAN'T be friends!! One party always ends up with sexual feelings toward the other party, and vice versa. At one time or another. It always ends up like this. It's awfully confusing!

Anyway, for New Year's, I plan to ring in a new year and a new dating attitude. I plan to have only the finest things: fine dining, fine wine and cocktails, fine conversations, and spectacular friends. I hope these are the memories I will relive in the coming year and look back on fondly.

I also plan on being more selective. I will only sleep with boys I can imagine myself being accompanied on the arm of to M's cozy dinner parties. Philistines need not apply. The others should take a number and form an orderly line to my left.

i thought muti-orgasmic men were a myth

he came not once, not twice, not thrice, but FOUR TIMES in the space of about 6 hours. i swear to god. i should have videotaped it.

meanwhile, i'm not sure if i came or not, so, that would mean i didn't (and i'm being polite about saying i faked it a little bit).

uh. i'm just so in awe of his magical abilities, and dealthy jealous. i really don't feel like talking about it--and that's a first.

hey baby, let's DTR.

Things started to pick up recently, ever since I started going dancing regularly. (Yes, I may soon become one of the "regulars" who frequent a few of the popular SF bay swing clubs. And I said 'swing' mind you, not 'swinger'!)

I've been dating!! How exciting. It's been like the Sahara since one summer indiscretion flew the co-op. (Literally. I bet he has communal sex every night now, and I'm glad I'm not part of it. You're not supposed to have ED when you're 21, that's just wrong/unfair to the woman!!)

Anyway, of course, with the dating come the horror stories. I was living vicariously thought my roommate's horror stories for awhile which run the gamut from asshole #1 lurking in and around her life and torturing her for no reason, and a few failed forays into internet dating, the most recent seemingly promising (and very good looking...). Only time will tell, I suppose.

I've been trying to enjoy myself. So far that philosophy has served me well. In the past two weeks, I've been out with maybe 5 different guys on separate occasions. One fell in love with me and then said something along the lines of "you know that one night we cuddled? You're LUCKY I didn't have sex with you, you got away easy!" OMG WHAT? WTF DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME? Sheesh. Tact has not gone out of style, people. You don't TELL that to the woman you want to bed down with. Just like that crazy guy I watched The Secret of NIMH with, who tried to flatter himself "I've slept with 12 chicks in the last month, wanna be 13?" Uh, NO!

So that cooled the passion pretty quickly. I was starting to see myself with him long term. Hmm. Not.

We have a cute friend in common. I like his cute friend. Needless to say, it's making things a little awkward on pub quiz night... I sort of feel like I'm in the middle of two men fighting to conquer one woman. Only the cute guy is a little too cool to fight and cause a scene, which I sort of like...

We went grocery shopping yesterday. And you know what the say, that you can tell a lot about a man by his groceries. I do think it's sort of an intimate everyday thing, though. I liked it. I also got in my grocery shopping for the month :)

Last night I went out with a drummer in a band. He is too cool for school, yo. I think we'd be ok friends: basically the only thing we have in common is indie music. He chain smokes, is a bisexual in an open relationship, a Sag... red flags! But he looks like Brendan Fehr. He has those squinty eyes. Shame the beard kills the sparkly eyed effect for me. Ah well. He also ditched me for half an hour to smoke a cigarette and I suspect he was trying to get in someone else's pants. Apparently he knew about 10% of the people at the venue, from the lighting guy to the people behind a truck drinking 40s. CLASSY.

I'm a classy sort of girl. I like to get down to business. I'd like to Determine The Relationship. Basically, I want grocery boy. That's what it comes down to right now. I might be making a horrible mistake, as tactless as bachelor #1 is, and as pure his love, my thought right now has domestic groceries, up against the open fridge door written all over it...

so, bald guy walks into a bar.

I went to some festivals on the fringe shows tonight because hey, it's a Monday. I'm still recovering from the last work week. Anyway, I've realized that comedy and stress are positively correlated. The more stressed I am, the more I want to see comedy and thus the more comedy shows I see. I went Friday, and then again today. After the improv show that one of my coworkers-who-doesn't-know-who-I-am-but-I-know-who-he-is was in, I stayed for the solo performance. Basically, it was this intense, sweaty late 30-something bald guy espousing the painful deterioration of his last serious relationship and newfound "finding of himself" on a trip to Mexico. He was speaking Spanish, singing with a guitar, and reciting Pablo Neruda. All the while, I kept imagining him in really strange, compromising sexual situations. And he was wearing a paper bag over his head in most of them. (I think he had a really nice body, it was just his face that was sweaty and scary. I'm so serious. *shudders*) It was very disturbing. And it reminds me of the ex-effect. Thank god I haven't fallen prey to that sort of sickness tonight...

Moral of the story is: relationships f*ck up your head. I'm really glad J doesn't write poetry or publicly perform solo shows about our break-up. God.

i believe i've misplaced some internal organs...

Is it just me, or does "eat your heart out" just sound really dirty?

how not to live one's life: the art of un-love

I've disappeared lately, mostly because there hasn't been anything to say. I was hit by the dry spell of all Dating Dry Spells. It was like the freaking Sahara Desert up in here.

Mostly by choice. Mostly.

Although, standing back and watching the New Roommate go galavanting into the night a couple times a week, presumably into the arms of Asshat #1, I realize of course that I shouldn't be jealous. At least when I'm dating an Asshat, it's me that usually makes him cry, not the other way around.

In any case, let's see. I've been reading a lot of the Wall Street Journal (good because I have back issues piling up now since... uh, May), doing puzzles, watching bad reality TV (guilty pleasure, we all have them right? otherwise this crap wouldn't survive syndication). And reading, of course. The Philosophy of Sex is still in my room somewhere, along with other less incriminating books like "Wonder Boys." Hmm. All this brings me to the topic of self-love. Can you love yourself when you're not with a man? Are you ok on your own? If the answer is no to either question, there's a problem. I've realized that it's ok to be on your own. Sure, cuddles are nice, stolen kisses, sweet caresses. But it's not everything.

(That's what cute ex boyfriends are for.)